Kim Ji-young, born in 1982, a novel by Cho Nam-Joo, lays bare gender inequality and the trials confronting women in South Korean society. Kim Ji-young, a 33-year-old married woman, was once employed at a public relations firm but left her career to care for her daughter.
The book is not only enjoyable but also easily digestible. Kim Ji-Young, alongside other female characters, mirrors the experiences of countless women in Asia and the Western world. Although strides have been made in improving women’s conditions here, there’s still work to be done. I hail from a traditional family. Besides, with time, many things have evolved and gotten better. I had to confront my mother’s sexism during my childhood and adolescence. Being the only woman and the eldest with two younger brothers, I felt and still feel that burden. Yet, I’ve fought to establish boundaries and not let circumstances differ solely because of my gender.
Patriarchal Beliefs
During a book club discussion, one participant astutely pointed out how often patriarchal beliefs are so subtly ingrained that we perceive them as usual. I wholeheartedly agree. Many of these beliefs remain deeply rooted in our subconscious, unquestioned until we become more conscious of the patterns ingrained in us over centuries.
For instance, women often believe that to be accepted and loved, we must focus on caring for our parents, partners, and children, even at the cost of our own desires. We’re labeled as selfish when we prioritize ourselves as we rightfully should. This pattern is evident in the book through cases like Kim Ji-Young’s mother and aunt, who sacrificed their dreams to raise their male siblings. They worked to support their education, dedicating part of their lives to fulfilling others’ goals.
Moreover, it’s perplexing why women tend to be the first to judge those who break societal norms and choose unconventional paths. Personally, I decided not to have children, and I’ve seen many women labeling me as selfish or claiming that motherhood is the only path to womanhood. Are there no alternative paths to fulfillment for women? Is marriage and motherhood the sole definition of fulfillment? I respect those who prioritize parenting, as it’s a vital role. But my choice doesn’t diminish my value or femininity. We all have the right to live authentically and pursue happiness according to our convictions, free from societal pressures. Embracing our differences is crucial.
Sexism
The book vividly portrays the male upbringing that many women endure. For instance, it exposes the case of Kim Ji-young’s grandmother, who consistently favored the male family members. A passage from the book illustrates when Kim Ji-young drank her brother’s powdered milk, savoring its taste, and describes how her grandmother made her feel: “She understood that everything coming from her grandmother, from the tone of her voice, position of her head and shoulders to her breathing, conveyed a message that, although difficult to synthesize in a single sentence, reprimanded her for desiring what belonged to her male grandson. Her brother and his possessions were valuable and thus unavailable to just anyone; Kim Ji-young felt inferior, just like her sister.”
I believe this traditional upbringing has often shaped men into “mama’s boys,” making it challenging for them to establish boundaries and maintain healthy adult relationships. Frequently, mothers-in-law become overly involved, straining relationships, and men struggle to rank their wives and households. It’s as if they can’t break free from their mothers, who, somehow, seek to manipulate them to keep them close.
Kim Ji-young’s experiences reveal how women are compelled to sacrifice, stay silent, and suppress their desires, even in the workplace. It lays bare the challenges they encounter in their careers, the gender pay gap, and the lack of support for working mothers. Despite the longstanding issue, why hasn’t the labor system adapted to allow women to balance work and childcare? It only causes the frustration and disillusionment of women striving to reconcile motherhood with their careers.
Gender Inequality at Work
Men must become more conscious and involved, preventing women from bearing the burden of parental responsibilities alone. Tasks should be equally shared, enabling men to, for instance, take their children to the doctor or attend school meetings. Striving for equilibrium ensures that when both men and women work, family responsibilities aren’t solely shouldered by women. This mindset makes working women anxious about pregnancy jeopardizing their jobs or limiting career advancement during their childbearing years, as the assumption is that they could become pregnant at any time.
Do men not realize that women enable them to become fathers? The system should encourage women to pursue professional success and motherhood without guilt. If pregnancies could be shared, the system would be different. Nature gave women the privilege of gestation. In my opinion, we should respect and appreciate this unique ability.
In South Korean society, women’s experiences highlight pervasive gender discrimination. Men’s desire for fatherhood is unquestioned and uncriticized. Yet, women face scrutiny when job hunting. Maternity leave may affect business, but why not develop solutions? Let’s create alternatives benefiting both companies and women.
Maternity Leave
In Colombia, paternity leave exists, but women complain of men neglecting their role. In 2023, paternity leave is two weeks, while maternity leave is 18 weeks. Please, share your country’s maternity leave duration and how it’s split between parents in the comments.
Few men are aware of this and take part in childcare alongside their spouses. I understand that the balance may lean towards one side, the man or the woman, mainly when one is dedicated solely to household and childcare duties. I mention men because I’ve witnessed cases where the man stays home while the woman works. In most instances, she has a better job and can provide for the family. They reach agreements that suit their family dynamics, respecting each other’s roles. I greatly admire men who support their wives professionally.
Household Tasks
However, in situations where both partners work to contribute financially, it’s perplexing why women often shoulder all domestic and childcare responsibilities. In such cases, a fair and equal division of tasks is warranted. Even so, women predominantly assume the roles of homemaker and caregiver. On top of this, they must excel in their jobs or businesses. This undue burden on women persists, and men often perceive it as not their responsibility to assist with household chores.
In essence, this book encourages us to challenge these patriarchal patterns and acknowledge the inner work women and men need to establish healthier, fairer relationships. Thus, it will foster more stable families, happier children, and a better-structured society.
